Rooms and Corridors

FROM MY CHILDHOOD – THE VOICE OF KEVIN Did I know there was a way out.   At that time there was no way out, or so it felt my limited knowledge and experience said no way out   So I built one, characters, roles and an ecosystem that I moved into that I lived in my first room built in my room and both became a sanctuary A room was created with many things Anything that did exist, and plenty that didn’t were in that room those rooms most of my creation.   I built contentment, in my room and subsequent rooms I cannot remember happiness

  So today it broke The adult Ted broke and survived Acknowledging that Kevin’s experience were real and whatever the inner voices, the rational Ted, the Ted of many rooms and corridors, may think, the pain and hurt, physical and emotional over the past 50 years are founded in a tormented reality that Kevin knows and Ted has locked away in his rooms, in his corridors. PAC, Parents-Adult-Child released an emotion this afternoon that came from deep within, deep in the past The tears were there, the howling still suppressed, there is still a fear that if the tears start, they will never, never stop. There is a fear that once released I wouldn’t be able to control it, and I can’t have that. I’ve contortioned, catalogued, controlled and contained all these emotions. Even though I held back The rational being began to ask for that one moment (as in Camelot), that one brief shining moment, the kid at the end of Camelot cam on. Kevin was that kid, wanting to be a knight in ...

 A box has been wedged, Slightly open The top will never fit snugly on the side again The gap grows, edging towards the lock And the lock will break The box will open I have begun that process I cannot stop it I have no intention to stop it It’s only one box But it’s the first It may take a while to edge towards the lock To open That’s fine. I can’t stop it I have no intention of stopping it Irrespective of what is released   I can survive, I have survived I know what is in the box I put it in there I’ve just forgotten And it can’t harm me any more than it dd first time round