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One day when we are strong, we will walk together.

One day when we are strong, we will walk together. The Covid year will slip into the undulations of our time. no people in gowns and masks stopped access to you, you did that. Silently, drifting away.  Stating years of lack of oxygen preventing happiness. In the Covid year, and years before No vaccine to inject, to protect, to resolve.   One day when we are strong, we will talk together. Talk of how I sometimes lose words, yet they tornado from me, in the loud moments, then settle. No people in gowns or masks to protect you, no vaccine to resolve or quiet the tornado, chaperoning me to calmer winds and breezes, in the Covid year and before.   One day when I am strong, I will talk   Of my survival craft, my boxes, my rock. Outwardly strong, inwardly turmoiled, battered by storms, embraced in calm seas,   traversing valley floors and hill peaks seeking, finding, enacting solutions, surviving I survive, I have survived, previously. But now, in surviving a...
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Words beyond, no more

Beyond the time I leave there are no conversations, no words  There are words now, before There are words now, that cover when I’ve gone, but aren’t real, they are my words,  conversations I can have Might have  Won't have, cannot have  Silence falls, words no more
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I walk through it

  I walk out of it  The sky is black, no depth, no content I lie and look at the sky Distant, dark, empty I look upwards to the dark sky I look below to the yawning chasm Same colour, content Black, darkness … Nothing. I’ve been here before That empty endness Without purpose, without hope The plans A journey, an action and never seen again End But not now, not this time The darkness subsides, I walk The light is dim but there, I walk There are no plans for an end, I walk I look to the sky, I walk I walk, I walk And while the darkness is there, I can see it, feel it, I walk
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decision made

Having made a decision a calming emotion overwhelms me.  I am now in control, there is no fear.  I am choosing my destiny and my time. No fear anymore, no anxiety.  Hope is abandoned as I have chosen. Not out of desperation with no hope but control, control of how this ends.
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I walked alongside me

 I have walked alongside me  for fifty years An inside me An outside me A tormented me A confident talented me  I have always been there for me  when the tormented me was abandoned and alone when the abandoned me was alone  when the tormented me sought and fed that torment,  it was the only feeling I knew Self inflicted hurt Self inflicted pain  Self inflicted doubt  In all those times  I walked alongside me In all those times  In all those moments of hurt  In all the exasperation  I was there a small distant spec of survival  
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Saturday 26th

 I walked away,  Walked home realising that that may be the last time I saw you.  There was no real purpose in meeting again  you wanted your life and that was not going to include me. I would become an occasional cup of coffee "every four or six weeks" when it didn't interrupt you being what you wanted to be,  what you wanted to be doing. It's no good you talking about all our time together   you've already said you were unhappy for a long time of that time.  You were the one who walked, no discussion, no negotiation. Words of hurt generated through your justification of leaving. Time ended.  So now we just need to sort out the 'administrative' elements. The emotional elements remain captured, for all time,  in stasis  in each others memory  in each of our words, differently  our previous outward equilibrium, immobile  motionless The perceived balance state of the bodies  ended time ended  
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I wanted to believe

 I wanted to believe  I did not move things, because I wanted to believe  I kept things, because I wanted to believe. I believed so as not to dismiss all that time  Then it stopped. The believing  The acknowledgment of end  no belief  End  
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